


Deserving

by clouder



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Christmas, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 19:39:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17229986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clouder/pseuds/clouder
Summary: Times are looking up for the Rebellion. The Horde has been losing power and control over certain areas. Because of this, the people in Brightmoon decided to wind down and take some time to relax by bringing back the tradition of celebrating Christmas. Being in a party kooks to be too much for Catra, and she walks off, feeling conflicted about her situation. Eventually, someone comes along to help.





	Deserving

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on Christmas day, because I had nothing better to do. I saw a lot of Christmas AU's going around, but they were mostly fluff. Don't get me wrong, I love fluff, but angst is just as great. SO, what better way to spend Christmas day then by writing angst, amiright?
> 
> Also, I initially posted this on Wattpad (which I use under a different username), but not on here. I didn't think about uploading it onhere until now, so, enjoy.

Things were beginning to look a lot better now. The tide of the war between the people of Bright Moon and the Horde was beginning to rise in favor of the Rebellion. The land in which the Horde had control over was beginning to diminish, bit by bit. Roles in both sides had changed, and more and more leaders from the Horde had begun to see the error in their ways and had decided to switch over to the Rebellion. Things were beginning to look up for both the Princess Alliance and the Rebellion, and because of so, they had decided to take some time for themselves and celebrate Christmas.

The holiday itself hadn't been popular in the few recent years, but with all the victories that had been achieved, Glimmer and the gang thought it would benefit to bring it back and celebrate. In celebration, Glimmer had convinced her mom to let them use the palace to host a party for all of their friends. There were tables and tables filled with different types of food, lots of music, and even more dancing. Everyone had dressed up for the event and were talking amongst themselves.

__

Catra leaned on the wall to her right, drink in hand and arms crossed. She observed all the people dancing to the music. It wasn't anything she recognized, but they seemed to be having fun. She looks down at her glass and wrinkled her nose.

What was this stuff?

Sighing, the placed the glass down at the nearest table, turning her attention back at the scene playing out before her.

All of the princesses had accepted the invitation and had decided to come, even Frosta. There they were, swaying and jutting out body parts in sync to the tempo.

Catra turned her attention in time to see Scorpia gently grab Entrapta by the waist and spin her around, both of them laughing. Catra's expression softened just the smallest amount. She was glad that she had brought them along when she finally left the Horde. She was afraid, at first, that they would regret it and eventually betray both her and the Rebellion, but that hadn't been the case. They seemed to be enjoying themselves more than they ever had, and Catra couldn't be more relieved. Though she would never admit it, she had developed somewhat of a soft spot for the two during their time together.

Yet...even though the other two had, it was the complete opposite for Catra. Of course, she didn't regret going against the Horde and finally leaving it behind. She definitely didn't miss the almost slave-like way that the soldiers there, including her, had been treated, or Shadow Weaver's constant punishments. She was obviously content with finally being free of that- but it was hard. Hard having to get used to change. She could almost never feel relaxed here in Bright Moon, with the Rebellion. Sure, she fully sided with them now, but her body hadn't completely grown accustomed to it.

Even now, she couldn't help but feel incredibly tense. Her shoulders felt stiff, and her fingers just would not stop twitching. She didn't fit in with the rest, and she knew it. She had never been the social type and it had never bothered her before in the Horde, sometimes it even served as an advantage, but here in Bright Moon? Not so much.

The one person she would feel completely comfortable with was nowhere to be found. She didn't expect her to go back to her side now that they were on the same side of the war again, but she hadn't seen Adora at all tonight and it saddened her, just the tiniest bit.

Not knowing it was even possible, she was growing even more uncomfortable by the minute and she needed an out. Now.

Without hesitating, Catra quickly turned around and walked right out a side entrance in the palace. It didn't matter where she went, she just had to get out.

She walked for a while before finding herself on a wide balcony looking out over mountains. She slowly walked towards the ledge, looking around. There were tall, slim trees here and there, a small, soundless fountain, and a single, lone bench close to the wall at the entrance.

Catra looked out at the mountains before her, and sees the tiniest distant speck of what seems to be the sea. With another lingering look, she turns away and goes to sit at the bench. She sits all the way back and leans her head against the wall behind her. She sighs.

I reallly hope this gets easier with time.

As much as she didn't like it, she knew she felt better there, alone. There wasn't any noise there and the air was cool. Catra felt herself slowly begin to relax. She closes her eyes and begins to breath in and out deeply.

After a while, Catra picks up the distant sound of someone's footsteeps gradually getting louder- and nearer. She sits right up and look over at the entrance to the balcony, waiting to see who it'll be.

She lets out the breath she didn't know she was holding when she sees Adora walk through the entrance and out to the balcony.

Both the bench and her being hidden by the wall, ahe watches as Adora walks towards the middle of the floor, looking around. Catra unkowingly studies Adora's face, her eyes sweeping over the curves on here face, the way her brows were slightly scrunched in a slight frown and tbe countless small scars speckled around from the countless battles she had been in. She looks at her hair, which Adora had decided to let down for that night, flowing freely in the wind. Her eyes slowly make their way to Adora's mouth, and her breath catches. They were slightly parted, and she seemed to be breathing rapidly.

She must have been in a hurry, but what for?

Catra catches her lingering gaze (more like stare) and quickly looks away. The cool breeze suddenly seemed more chillier against her face than it had a moment ago.

Not wanting to be caught simply sitting there, Catra quietly clears her throat, catching Adora's attention.

"Oh! There you were, Catra," she says, walking over to her. "I was looking for you."

Catra gives her a small smile.

"Here I am."

Catra scoots over to the side of the bench, giving Adora some space for her to sit down. She does, and takes a moment to catch her breath. Catra waits, not saying anything or looking at her.

"So...why'd you leave?"

Keeping her eyes over the mountains, Catra simply shrugs.

"I just...needed some air."

Adora nods. "You've been out here for a while," she points out.

"...a lot of air?"

Adora looks away from Catra and down at her hands on her lap.

"Did...did we do something wrong?" she slowly asks, and Catra notices something in her voice.

Something she can't place.

She looks over at Adora.

"Of course not. Why would you think that?"

She notices Adora's brows scrunched further than before, and without thinking about it, she reaches out to touch them, but catches herself before she does. She clutches her hands together on her lap.

Adora, oblivious to this, looks back up at her.

"I don't know. You just- you seem distant lately."

She runs her hand through her hair once, and Catra follows the motion with her eyes. Adora continues.

"I mean- I know we weren't together for a while there, and I don't expect us to pick right where we left off, but you seem closed off now and I- I don't know why."

Adora looks at Catra's face, trying to read what she's thinking through her expression, but not getting anything out of it. She looks at her eyes, and Catra's eyes widen as she recognizes the sadness written on Adora's face.

But why was she sad? Because of me?

Catra feels the tiniest bit of guilt wash over here, and she looks away. She doesn't say anything for a while.

"Do I deserve it?" she asks after a while.

Adora, not knowing if she heard right, mumbles, "What?"

Catra turns to look at her, holding her gaze this time.

"Do I deserve it? Any of this?"

Adora looks at her, confused.

"What do you mean? Why wouldn't you?"

Catra almost laughs. "Why wouldn't- Not that long ago, I was fighting against you, Adora. I led armies towards civillian towns and I destroyed them. I caused a lot of damage to you guys. Those friends of yours back there? I hurt them. I-" her voice catches.

Catra slowly reaches out and brushes a strand of hair from Adora's forehead, revealing a long, thin scar. She brushes her fingertips across it, hating how well she knew that the scar was there.

"I hurt you," she says, her voice breaking.

She snatches her hand away and lets it drop onto her lap once more. She turns away and drops her head, her hair shielding her face from Adora. She could begin to feel that burning sensation in her eyes and nose that told her she was dangerously close to crying. Catra squeezes her eyes shut and brings her hands to her face to prevent the tears from rolling out.  
She swallows hard.

Adora can't help but just watch Catra. This was one of the rare times she could really see Catra's true feelings out front. She knew how much Catra hated letting herself feel her emotions because it made her feel weak and vulnerable.

Adora fights the urge to reach out to her and comfort her.

Catra still hasn't looked up when she hears Adora speak up.

"But you're here now....aren't you?"

Catra turns around to look at her.

"...what?"

Adora finally gives in and reaches out to grasp her hands and brings them in between them.

"I said you're here. Right now. That must count for something, right?"

Catra tries to tug her hands back, but gives up.

"Sure, but that can't possibly be enough! I've done so much damage! That can't be enough to make up for what I did to the Rebellion....or to you."

By now, the threatning tears have long past spilled over her eyes and rolled down her face.

Adora lets go of one of her hands and slowly reaches one finger to Catra's eye. She gently brushes off a tear from the corner of her eye.

"That's up to me decide, though. Isn't it?" she tells her softly.

Catra doesn't say anything, she remains silent and sniffling, too embarrased and upset to bother replying.

Adora continues to brush the tears out of Catra's other eye.

"I say if it's enough. If you're enough."

She slides her hand over to Catra's cheek and gently strokes it. She feels Catra's breath hitch and she meets her eyes. Catra's are so sad and guilt-ridden and hers so warm and welcoming.

"And you are."

Catra blinks at her, the words registering slowly. Then, more tears begin to flow.

"Are you sure?" she whispers.

"I am," she tells her, and finally engulfs her in that hug.

Catra resists at first, tensing up, but Adora pushes past her efforts brings her close to her, wrapping her arms around her.

Catra finally gives up and breaks down then and there, in Adora's arms. She sobs, letting out all the fear, anxiety, anger, sadness, and guilt that's built up since Adora left her back in the Horde. She let's herself be held by Adora. She apologizes over and over again, for all the wrongs she'd done to everyone, to her. Adora tells her it's okay and stays there the whole while, rubbing Catra's back soothingly.

After a while, Catra's tears dry up, but they remain like that, close together.

Catra rests her head on Adora's shoulder, occasionally sniffling, drained from the crying, and Adora continues to rub her back. Neither of them say anything for some time.

"Hey, Adora?" Catra mumbles.

"Hm?"

"...Thanks."

Adora brings herself to face Catra and look her in the eye.

"Of course," she says.

They smile at each other for a second and something above them catches Adora's eye. In a split second, she realizes what is is.

Catra, following her eyes, looks upwards and sees a green leafed plant of some sort (weed??) hanging over them. It looked familiar to her, somehow.

Catra recalls that morning, during brunch, when Glimmer had been talking about some of the traditions that they had for Christmas. She hadn't been paying much attention, but she remembered snippets of Glimmer talking about a plant? Mistle-something, and something about kissing?

Oh. She realizes that's what it was, then.

She looks back down at Adora, and finds her looking back at her.

"Must've been Glimmer," Catra hears her mutter.

She can only nod in reply.

Uncertain and alerted, Catra tries to figure out what to do when she feels a cool hand cupping her shoulder, nearly making her jump and fall off the bench.

"Y'know," she hears Adora say and raises her eyes to match hers.

"I was so happy when you came here. I missed you so much."

Catra closes her eyes and leans into her touch, the cool of her hands feeling so nice against her skin.

"I did too," she whispers.

She feels Adora's second hand cup her other cheek and she opens her eyes in time to see Adora bringing her face towards hers. She closes her eyes again, expecting to come in contact with her lips, but instead she feels something on her nose.

She opens her eyes, confused, and sees Adora moving her face away from her nose.

Oh.

She couldn't help but feel disappointed.

Adora, being able to read these thoughts on her face, softly chuckles and before Catra can react, she closes the distance between them once more and brings their lips together.

The kiss doesn't last very long, and it's not very passionate, but that's because it doesn't have to be. It's soft and warm, and still so full of emotion.

They break apart, eyes still closed, and rest their foreheads against each other.

Adora opens her eyes and takes in the girl in front of her, eyes closed and cheeks flushed.

How she had missed her.

She kisses her forehead.

"Welcome back."


End file.
